This week I have been working with the intention of trying to quieten the monkey circus that is my mind. I have been feeling overwhelmed, like I just can’t grasp anything. I woke up this morning - it’s Wednesday as I am writing this and I had the options of a) meditating b) tea c) writing d) moving e) walking dogs and in an attempt to ‘ do less’ which is also something I’m trying to do ( in amongst running a CIC and being a coach and home educating my youngest teen).
As you know I write about the seasons and sobriety, I love a bit of astrology and I am doing my yoga teacher training. Oh, and I have ADHD. As I’m writing this it’s making me laugh and do a palm forehead slap - yes - there is a lot going on.
This morning I opted for tea first (always) and writing. I had tuned into a great workshop with Sarah Fay about Substack for the time poor and she had taken a quote from someone which was ‘ Whoever you want to be- do that first thing in the morning.’ Very good advice.
I lit a candle and then tried the rage on the page approach - not much came. Then I tried dear Liz Gilbert’s ‘Dear Love what would you have me know today?’ prompt - which BTW works … Every.Time.
As my hand spidered across the page looking for inspiration and clever words, I felt clunky , but before long, I had started to flow and Love said this to me…
‘I see how you strive, darling. I see how hard you are working and I see how tired you are. What if , you didn’t have to strife quite so hard and could just catch the drift a bit.’
‘But how can I just drift?’ I said, almost horrified ‘I am a coach - we have intentions and goals!!!’
Love said ‘Imagine you are on a little boat - you have set your intentions and your coordinates and you have set out. You don’t have to have the engine on all the time.. you can power down and drift - you will know you are on course with the stars. Check in from time to time, and power down - If I am the wind and the sea, I can do some of the work for you.’
Drift : To move slowly, especially as a result of outside forces, with no control over direction.
You see, I didn’t want to stop but I just take it down a gear. I want to live sustainably, but how do we actually manage that in this weird, productivity-obsessed culture where rest is rebellion? We are as a culture so imbalanced and living in doing mode I can only think it’s worth inviting a bit more drift into our lives. Knowing when to power up and power down.
I started thinking about drifting - catch my drift? My mind drifted back in time to the Californian surf dude turtles in Finding Nemo who catch the continental drift across the globe to Sydney Harbour having the ride of their lives.
There was a full moon in scorpio and I also am feeling the rising sap and the charge of the green. This is not a time I have to push, rather to pump the brake.
From planets and moons and drifting tides to possibly a rude awakening…apologies….
After the woods and all the loveliness I had a second thought. This time, a technical engineering-type metaphor. I feel like if Jeremy Clarkson and Rich Roll had a self-help suggestion love child, it would be this. I am aware, that that is quite a strange tangent but bear with me. I am more than happy for Rich Roll to hack my mainframe but I am extremely allergic to Jeremy. He is like the personification of the patriarchy and all the privilege of the mediocre white man in really annoying, high waisted bland clothes.
Anyway, I digress. So, our car is an automatic and has all these lights that go on and off that I don’t understand. An engine fault light is permanently at the mo and my husband and I perplexed. It’s orange and does not look happy. It’s also not shifting through the gears so I’m thinking is there something wrong with the gear box? Is it the timing belt ? (I don’t know what that it, by the way) But logical right?
The garage said that the reason the gears are dodgy is because the car is in ‘Limp Mode’. IT IS GOING SLOW TO PROTECT ITSELF. The car is doing what it needs to do to protect itself from breaking which is super clever and also a bit scary because it reminds me of IRobot a bit. But the moral is, I realised I need to be in Limp Mode a bit now and have a bit of the common sense of my car.
Essentially, I am trying to adopt Drift and Limp Mode as a way to stop overfunctioning, overworking, over-doing, overgiving, in order to bring balance to my life and give myself a bit of a break. If you too cried at America Ferrera’s speech in Barbie, it’s like THAT feeling. This overfunctioning just feels like it’s just what we do as women.
I always say mental health tools, are life tools are somatic tools are sober tools. Advocating for our needs is radical, saying ‘no’ and resting is rebellion. Very much a practice this end. It does not come naturally but slowly, slowly I may just catch that monkey and lure her into the bluebells, a yoga nidra, a staring into space moment.And I think she might just like it…
How can you allow a bit of drift, how can you power down, what can you take off the list? I am sober and the rest is good enough.
Never gets old. Always true.
Much love
Kate x
This is so lovely Kate 💕xx … drift with the help of the wind and the sea 🥹