With the attendant hot flushes, mood swings, tiredness, brain fog and the rest, we can really lose our sober mojo when the peri menopause hits so I have created a little list of how I approach it and have attached the audio of my latest podcast on this very subject.
So if like me you find yourself forgetting shit and getting irritated with the spring for being so chirpy first we take a deep breath, sit tall and say ‘I am a fricken sober badass…’ and then repeat as much as necessary and I hope the points below will be useful.
The Menifesto
Accept that this is a transition and get clear on what that means….
Midlife is a transitional time and it’s necessary to go through it to get to post menopause grounded and with clarity. I see it like a crucible. The dross gets burned off. Doing this sober means we have a head start on clarity. Transitions and uncomfortable and periods of necessary destabilising for growth.
Get a supercharged midlife self care toolkit:
Movement, fun, connection with other women, sensory delights, dark chocolate, and listen to the audio above for more tools and tips….
Acknowledge the waning gifts of youth.
Physically we are changing and although we can do a lot to look after ourselves in terms of the food we eat and including bone density and muscle mass promoting exercise, we are getting older. Freeing ourselves from a carcinogenic, neurotoxin is a no brainer. Be choosing AF life we are honouring those waning gifts and working to preserve them.
Stop people pleasing.
The hormonal shifts in midlife mean that the hormones for caring are on the decline and we may experience this as a shift and having as my friend Catherine says a ‘Bothered bag’’ with literally nothing in it. ‘No’ she’s says ‘I have looked for the fucks and I literally can’t find any.’ This is a GOOD THING PEOPLE.
Embrace your creativity.
We are creative. It’s a natural part of being human. Having a hobby or creative endeavour is super important for sobriety. It’s a VACI Vital Absorbing Creative Interest which gives over busy brains chance to switch off and rest. So important for the early days when we need to learn the off switch.
Embrace the Inner Rebel
There is an opportunity to experience a return to self in the midlife - like a second teenage years, a fire and a sense of wanting to burn things down. There is disruptive energy in the peri menopause and menopause years, which means we can discern what we want to keep and what just won’t cut it - thinking of the Hindu Goddess Kali, who had a belt of skulls and an arsenal of weapons!
Get some alone time:
Menopause is a time when we naturally need more alone time, dreaming, resting, going inwards. Like the autumn into winter when we retreat indoors. To honour this and not fear it means we can come through into our Second Spring, out menopause according to Traditional Chinese Medicine.
Create rituals.
This is a great and important time to create supportive rituals. These are memory aids and can bring intentionality and force when we can feel scared and tired. Book ending your day with stitching, yoga, journalling, gratitude. These can become precious moments to check in and keep connected to how you feel, your truth , process things that are going on, metabolise your life.
Care for your Hormones
The decline in oestrogen which affects all the systems in the body needs to be prioritised. If the liver is busy trying to remove the toxins of alcohol it cannot prioritise metabolising oestrogen which mades the perimenopausal symptoms worse. Liver health is so important and your liver is working hard all the time. We can rest assured by not drinking ( and not overdoing sugar) we are optimising our liver’s chance to make the most of available our oestrogen.
Own Your Crown.
You are a queenager.
We have such strengths to pull from throughout our lives, our families, our careers. When society with its strange and imbalances obsession with youth it can be easy to feel like we are waning and losing power. But this is an extremely powerful time of life. Love hard on yourself and own your crown. It is yours. List your strengths, thank your body and stand tall.
On another note …..
Don’t forget, if you would like to work with me I have 1-2-1s opening in June and a brand new holistic group coaching program for bossing the summer sober for busy women, mums and carers and the midlife. Deets below…
Love Your Sober Summer
Tools, Support & Mindset Shift over 6 weeks - June 20th 7pm GMT.
Weekly themes, calls, resources and coaching tools to set you up for success. Weekly online call Thursdays at 7pm GMT New introductory offer £350 for one time only.
Get 20% off with coupon code SUMMER20 before May 21st. Payment plan is available.
The Schedule
Week 1: Getting Started & Opening Circle
Getting clear on priorities and goals, designing our happy summer and trouble-shooting our worries. In coaching we begin with how we want things to be. We get clear on where we want to be, then identify obstacles and identify ways to navigate those, setting ourselves up for sober success with connection, clarity and confidence. Confidence comes after action so we create an action plan, identify triggers and build our mindset and identify things we love too - our ‘Glimmers.’
Week 2: The Sober Summer Toolkit
Building the scaffold of self-care and mindset tools to help keep us calm calm and collected so we can boss this season. Although we need to look at planning, expectations, planning in down time etc etc, one practical way of feeling in control and like you have got this , and if you feel like you are prepped you'll be less anxious and less likely to push the F it button, is an On the Go Toolkit. This is a bit like a nappy bag, if you can remember those .... remember the sheer panic if you left it anywhere? It had EVERYTHING in it. We are diving into this!
Week 3: Socialising Sober
This is the biggest worry for most people. Alcohol marketing tells us we can’t have fun or connect or relax without it. Here we myth bust, explore authentic connection and build solid strategies to manage socialising. What to say, what to do, when to go, when to opt out, how to curate our social lives to suit us, identify our social windows and not turn into sweaty pumpkins. In fact we can waft, connect and have no regrets… I know!!! Who knew?
Week 4: The Holiday Reframe
Holiday 101- This is the biggest reframe apart from possible Christmas/ festive season. Holidays are meant to be restorative and rejuvinating but we’ve all come home from a holiday needing another holiday, right? I thought all rules were off on holidays and they would be more alcohol heavy than other times and therefor hangovers aplenty. Actually having the luxury of a holiday away and really experiencing it is obe of the big sober revelations. This week we design out ideal holidays from the airport lounge, through the first evening to early mornings, bright lights and balmy evenings to coming safely home having made beautiful memories.
Week 5: Managing the Marathon
For many of us, working, parenting, the period of school closure and juggling actually leaves us extremely depleted in summer. Also Fakebook is flooded with images of perfect families having perfect holidays and picnics and all getting on and all that BS can make us feel miserable, stressed, less-than and triggered to drink. (Like my picture above) Stress management and real boundaries and gatekeeping on things and people that fry our heads with even more expectations during this busy, more social time is key- so boundaries, managing expectations and learning to live at a sustainable pace is key.
Week 6: Onward Steps & Closing Circle
This week we put it all together and go boldly on! We have got this. We have the Love Sober Community with online sessions and ongoing group connection at only £15 a month so it’s super easy to keep in touch and keep going as you gain confidence in your sober journey.
With this program you get six weeks free membership to Love Sober Community AND FREE ACCESS TO THE NEW COURSE LOVE YOURSELF SOBER!