Making Sobriety Stick
I was one of those people who used to envy people who could do Dry January because I could never do it. I was absolutely mystified how people could stop drinking for a MONTH. My streak was a week. Usually three days, which I did most weeks. I was not a daily drinker and not a day time drinker. My drinking followed a familiar pattern for decades: Wine on a Friday or Saturday, maybe a Sunday afternoon, cooking a roast (that was civilised) then nothing usually till Wednesday - a couple on Wednesday, which would mean a couple on Thursday and then back to the bottle of wine on Friday or Saturday with a hangover the next day. Pretty standard Brit drinking for my generation I thought.
Internally, anxiety would build up, hangovers lasted a few days, moods were low, I worried about my health. I just couldn’t make sense of the internal and external disconnect. Everyone else seemed OK and not crippled with anxiety after a night out… and so I would be utterly mystified, as I said, by others who could do a month just like that. The cost may not have looked much externally but this hamster wheel kept me stuck for years, feeling like it was groundhog day and I was not developing the skills I actually needed to meet my needs authentically.
I have been on this path for 11 years now, with to-ing and fro-ing after the first year sober doing monthly drinking for about a year and a half - this would look to the outside alcohol-normative culture as a resounding success, but inside it was worse because each time I did drink I would feel so appalling and low. As William Porter put it in ‘Alcohol Explained’ - the horse had bolted, I would never be a happy, carefree drinker and the best I could hope for was for the hangovers not to be too bad. Many people have since described to me what I felt then. That their sober time had a calm quality to it and a peace of mind that just goes is you start drinking again, no matter what quantity. They wanted to get back to that as did I and were gutted that it was so hard to get back to sober living.
If this is you don’t despair, something will click, a new approach or development and we do know that doing it with others and being connected, accountable and supported, regularly and consistently, we have much greater odds of success. This can be the spring that you make it stick, have a hangover free summer, a bit of a challenge, yes - probably - but SO much better than the same old, same old, yo-yo-ing between wine - the five minute buzz or sigh and then back to feeling jaded and regretting, because deep down you know it’s not feeling right or worth that cost anymore. We go for freedom, we go for better, we go for peace of mind, more energy, better health - these things are the gold. And we will have fun whilst doing it!
I’m now in my 8th year of continuous sobriety and I want to share with you the tools I have put together along the way with my training in coaching, habit change, stress management, the science of happiness and menopause support.
The Holistic Sober Toolkit
We need a toolkit for life. We need resources and practices to balance, calm and soothe our nervous systems and supportive routines, connections and mental tools. We often need to learn to listen in, ask what we really need and then access the internal and external resources to meet those emotional, physical, mental and spiritual needs.
I have needed to assemble over the last few years, a scaffold of practices which I do routinely ( habit formation) to support me and help me manage my ADHD and caring load, busy family life and kids with high needs. Your own life and needs might be different but we have a few things in common-we need connection, community, rest, fun, purpose, meaning and to manage stress, to move our bodies and find joy. We start with our own baseline and begin to get very curious about our own unique needs and expression to build our own bespoke toolkits.
This is why we designed Love Sober Life School - the 3 month online group coaching program. It’s a framework to begin to do this, or to hone it, in the company of like-minded women, with professional coaches and sober women.
12 week Group Coaching Program starting 21st April.
LOVE SOBER LIFE SCHOOL - renewed vigour & growth, and robust tools which leave your sobriety water tight. The science of habit change of daily, bite-sized satisfying content, community and connection and the reward of seeing yourself building the sober day count and muscle, and the sheer relief of having real tools for hormones, boundaries and stress and relationships which are often behind the drinking. We speak to the real reasons and give real tools.
So if you are wobbling, have a bit of fatigue or have tried other things this is for you.
If you sign up before April 5th it's a fricken steal at £750 early bird (Full price £1495) for daily content, community, connections, coaching calls. Eight years on the sober path and years of professional training of to deliver this course so it's reliable, correct and comes from the heart too. OFFER ENDS Friday 5th April.
This is THE self-development course for sober women written and facilitated by habit change specialists, ICF accredited holistic life and recovery coaches. I am joined this year this year by the awesome Dufflyn Lammers, who is a recovery and relationship coach and who’s been sober nearly 30 years!!!
Details
When 21/4/24
Weekly group calls are on Sundays at 5pm GMT.
Payment Plan option : £250 per month for 3 months.
12 weeks support, community, a library of resources, group calls and bonus masterclasses for sober & sober-curious women who want to make sobriety stick and LOVE being sober. Written & Delivered by Professional Coaches, authors and sober women. NB. This is a small set offering. Only 20 seats max to ensure the most intimate and supportive experience for you.
Created and delivered by Habit Change Specialist Kate Baily ICF Life, Sobriety & Behavioural Health Coach & Certified Addictive Behaviours Coach. Delivered by Recovery and Relationship Coach and Mentor, writer and sober sister of over 25 years, Dufflyn Lammers.
What you'll get:
Daily videos & other media to keep you motivated
Webinars on the nervous system and hormones.
Journaling prompts and weekly online yoga class.
Weekly coach-led group reflection meeting with Kate & Dufflyn
Everything you need to LOVE Sober life.
Library of resources, podcasts, reading and Ted Talks.
Friendship with like-minded women.
Life Skills for Stress Management, work/life balance, nervous system regulation.
Self-empowerment, Self-compassion and Self-leadership.
A new way of life, in which without alcohol, filled with ideas and tools to help you thrive and feel the BEST you possibly can.
Access to Love Sober membership community & online peer support meetings.
Payment plan available - pay in monthly instalments of £250 per month.
Meet your Coaches
Kate Baily
Created and facilitated by Habit change specialist, Addictive Behaviours Trainer, ICF Accredited Holistic Sobriety Coach, author & podcast host Kate Baily.
Kate is also a Science of Happiness facilitator & a Menopause Doula. She is married and lives in West Sussex with her husband and two teenage children and two dogs. Kate loves yoga and the expressive arts. She works with families and children in West Sussex with neurodiversity and extra needs and has ADHD herself. Kate is in her 8th year of sobriety and really gets the back and forth and knows how important a toolkit for stress, hormones and real life is essential to lasting sobriety.
Kate can be found walking in the woods with her Bose 2 Quiet Comfort headphones on, home schooling her youngest child and generally swearing quite a lot. But one thing she knows for sure is the sobriety is the foundation for all great wellbeing tools and lasting satisfaction with life and its glitter and warts and it all begins with the question 'What do I really need?'
Dufflyn Lammers
Facilitated by Dufflyn Lammers. Dufflyn is a coach, group facilitator and writer with over 15 years experience of working with women in recovery and specialises in boundaries, attachment and relationships in sobriety. She is Texan born and lives in Paris with her partner, where she works internationally as a coach and speaker.
She combines a unique background in Tantra (trained with Dawn Cartwright in LA), Attachment Repair (trained directly with Daniel P. Brown and then with George Haas), Intervention (Arise certified) and Coaching (iPEC Certified Professional Coach, She Recovers Coach, IRI Recovery Specialist) to help women create optimum relational wellbeing.
She has the best Frida Kahlo costume you’ve ever seen, a self-described “hyena laugh,” and can often be found wandering the streets of Paris looking for Hellman’s Mayonnaise.
Really hope you can join us!
Love Kate xxx
Praise for Love Sober Life School
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‘What landed with me was the fip in thinking from giving something up to realising I could live a life of abundance. Saying ‘no’ to alcohol, meant saying ‘yes’ to everything else.’
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'It has given me confidence to understand how to live an authentic sober life.'
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Incredible - 5 Stars
I arrived at sobriety broken and lost and weary. With the help of Love Sober I have gradually been able to do the work of putting myself back together - forever grateful x
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I’ve laughed along and I’ve cried and all the whilst feeling in the company of 2 old friends. Love Sober is my safe space and my home. I can’t rate this highly enough. I’m nearly 8 months sober and honestly I don’t think I’d be here without Love Sober. I’ll be forever grateful.
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I feel like I have known them both years. Their openness and honesty allowed me to be honest to myself when reflecting.'
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'Please be kind to yourself and take this course. You won't regret it. Make sure you journal and take notes as you then have these ideas with you forever.'
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'It has given me back enormous power in myself which alcohol and other recovery options completely took away. So the unique part of Love Sober is the self love, respect and ownership I feel that is enabling me now to stay on a path that I previously saw as something I didn't want. Now I want it more than ever and it feels much more effortless than before because the journey is enjoyable.'
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You will be embraced as you are from the moment you reach out and you won’t have to be alone again.’
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It was amazing to be fully supported and in the care of people who are not only passionate about what they are doing, but was also very skilled.
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'The kindness, humor, warmth and the unconditional positive regard were so valuable in reducing the shame I felt and made me feel so safe to be honest. I very much appreciate your straightforward, practical approach and the utmost dedication you give.'
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They are the real deal - kind, caring, reflective, smart...and they’ve been down the path and understood what you are going through…Their personal knowledge, their training, their expertise in many fields
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‘This course helped me to see that when women get together to support and care for one another, it gives both those giving and those receiving the power, courage, and vulnerability to open up, truly connect, and truly dive into the underlying reasons for drinking in our own personal lives. And this has been everything for me. ‘