‘I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy’
Tom Waits
Tom Waits, once said, ‘I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.’ Newsflash: it’s actually the same thing… when we drink alcohol it sets of a chain of chemical processes one of which being that we impair our prefrontal cortex which is the place our good decisions are made and our impulse control lives. Hmm.. it all makes sense now … so many myths to unpick, so little time …. sigh….
In today’s mini podcast I have a wee look at a couple of the cultural narratives around booze and also how we, if can focus in compassionately on how it really is for us, with some questions we can gain more clarity and agency. This combination of inner and outer lens is powerful in reframing the part alcohol is or has played and enabling us to understand what we actually need.
Looking outside
In Allen Carr’s best-selling book Easy Way to Stop Smoking, he mentioned the ‘Emperor’s New Clothes’ phenomenon. Based on the fairy tale where everyone raves about the emperor’s fictitious robes when, in fact, he’s naked, it describes how when everyone is doing or saying something, you think you are the only person who knows the truth. He likened it to people saying they ‘enjoy‘ cigarettes when in reality they are addicted to a carcinogenic drug, which they have been brainwashed to think is lovely and relaxing. Now the tide has turned, and people who smoke are often pitied or met with incomprehension, even treated like outcasts.
It seems ridiculous now that anyone thought that smoking was cool, sexy, fun, or relaxing – it stinks, for a start. Drinking is no different, really. It’s been lauded as a wonderful elixir of fun and sparkle when, in reality, it too is an addictive, carcinogenic drug. Hopefully, alcohol will have its eureka ‘cigarette moment’ one day, when everyone realises that it’s just an unhealthy waste of money.
Alcohol is sold to us using emotive images such as connection, intimacy, and joy, which are core human needs. I’m sure you can bring to mind ads showing a couple by the fireside, a clink of a glass, adult time, love, romance, and intimacy, or glamorous women in bars having an amazing time. What’s great is that with alcohol-free options, and the growing number of sober social groups, forums, and events, you can have all of these things without the booze – in fact, they are far more authentic when experienced without the haze of alcohol – and the fear of a sober existence being lonely and miserable really is far from the truth. It’s the best kept secret!
‘‘When we start to call BS on the cultural narratives and marketing around alcohol, it is super empowering, and once you see it you can’t unsee it.’’
Looking inside
To understand ourselves and our triggers, cravings and impulses, pause and generate other options to soothe ourselves is a super power. Then with repetition it becomes our new normal and feels easier and easier. And that’s when the fun really starts!
Questions for reflection
If you would like to use the audio as a prompt to reflect on your sober journey, there are some questions below. You can do this if you are sober curious or if you are experiencing triggers coming up for you or drinking thoughts are re-emerging or as a reflection point on how far your narrative has shifted.
Why do I feel like booze is necessary ?
Where do those beliefs come from?
How much room is it renting in my head?
How hard am I working to moderate it?
How would it be to just be free of it?
How can I create new evidence that I can enjoy myself alcohol free?
Three things I love about being sober are ……
Because I was sober this week I ….
Love Kate x
On Being a Booze Detective