Ten Years Sober
Lammas Full Moon and Circle
At the moment in this heat haze, the days stretch, scratch and yawn. They lay across the carpet and wait for nightfall when the cool comes and the foxes next door play and drive my dogs mad.
I too am in a haze. I want to put up bunting and have a party and shout ‘Ten Years’ and that’s a lie because I just can’t be arsed. This year has been a lot about unmasking for me, as the layers, just like Donkey in Shrek so wisely pointed out, keep happening.
So, this is my attempt to weave together the disparate thoughts today, now that I have washed my face, gone to the shop, dropped my daughter off in Brighton and taken the dogs for a walk. It’s also my 21st wedding anniversary today. My marriage is officially a grown up…. although if you met my husband you might disagree. Every year he says ‘How long has it been now?’ I then work it out on my fingers and deliver the number to which he responds, ‘It feels so much longer.’ Every year, LOL. I digress…..
Ten things about sober life that I will fess up to and/or die on a hill for.
I am evangelical. I feel a kind of obligation to be sober-inspirational. And I by that I don’t mean I only write about unicorns. But I want to encourage others. (convert?) Guilty as charged. I really, really needed positive, role models, community and rebranding around sobriety when I was trying to quit drinking because I knew that if it didn’t feel a positive and empowering choice I just wouldn’t to do it. I needed the carrot. It’s changed my life. It’s the best thing, it literally is the best thing… you will never regret putting in that early muscle power… and that’s why I’m still writing about it all these years later.
It still massively pisses me off that people who still drink alcohol look at sober people like they are the ones with ‘the problem.’ People who still smoke don’t look at people who have stopped smoking like this. It’s just thickery. I can’t be bothered to point it out really. It’s just too stupid. Eye roll.
I don’t really like the term ‘emotional sobriety’ - it sounds a bit worthy and like I might have to be strict with my feelings or sad. But this I do know… to love being sober you need to become nervous system literate. You also need a physical practice that helps to work with your nervous system whilst you are learning about it. You can’t just read about it. Yo need to find out what soothes you and what lights you up, your glimmers and your anchors and do them every day. You need to learn what you love, what you prefer and how to rest.
You will need to befriend yourself, reparent yourself, learn about boundaries, learn self- compassion and build resilience. But don’t worry - most of this feels really good and if you just keep going one day at a time, doing the next right thing and making sure your head hits the pillow sober each night, a lot of this just happens in my experience and lands when we are ready for it to land.
Getting sober before you hit peri menopause is the best decision you will ever make. #superpower
We are incredible. Getting to spend this time in our lives is incredible. Life is a miracle. Sobriety plugs us into presence or at least gives us a cat in hell’s chance at it.
You are going to feel more confident than you imagined in your wildest dreams. Showing up each day sober because you said you would becomes the foundation for your self trust. You will tolerate so, so much less of other people’s bullshit because of this. You will not second guess yourself and worry so much.
You will, at some point, be touched by spirit. It could be nature, energy, grace, magic. Whatever you call it. At some point the sheer miracle that is your life will nudge you like the soft muzzle of a horse and it will take your breath away.
Life has unbelievable highs and lows. This year I lost my mum. The savagery of it brought me to my knees. I have watched Spanish sunsets, laughed with my daughter, held my husband’s hand, and sometimes, when I’m driving and think about calling her, then remember she’s gone, I sob and my heart hurts.
Together is how we do this. We need each other, friends, neighbours, sober communities, family or origin, family of choice, our local community, circles. We need each other. We are all just walking each other home. I think we are all waking up to this now.
Love you, Kate x
Join Me This Sunday: Lammas Full Moon Circle
This Sunday evening 2nd August (7.00–8.15pm UK) I’m hosting an online Lammas Full Moon Circle.
Lammas marks the beginning of the harvest season and so for this circle the theme is our personal harvests and what we are grateful for and a secret wish for the coming season. It’s also an opportunity to share what’s on hearts and minds. We gather online for journaling, optional sharing, journaling and a yoga nidra.
The circle is free for paid Substack subscribers and members of the Love Sober Community.
If you’re not yet a member but would like to come along and experience a circle, you’re very welcome to join as a drop-in guest for £15.
I would love to see you.
Sunday | 7.00–8.15pm (UK)